I AM BEING SILENCED.

by Johnmer Poblador Villanueva

 

I am always surprised why things are very timely for me these days. Well, we are tasked to make a phenomenological paper on our uneasy experience which I consider as my hardest experience and insofar as I am concerned, I am undergoing the experience since last week. I am in my hardest experience… that is, I am being silenced. Oh well, this is quite interesting – to share the experience in a phenomenological way since I am not good in this philosophy. This paper, by the way, would be something difficult for me to do but since I have a much larger difficulty, then, I will do my best to share it this way, the hard way.

Allow me to explain the context first. Let me put it this way… it is a separation from what has been a routine or lifestyle of talking and performing always on stage, with or without a platform. Separation is detachment from someone or something very important, or at least connected or related to a person or thing. It is taking away from the whole or from where it has been connected. Traveling down the not so far memory lane- last year I have been very direct to almost every spotlight in stage performances, emceeing and even in floral arrangements. To be honest about it, these things or acts define and describe me. Middle of last month, the rector informed me to lessen my activities. My SD even said, “we already know your capacity… let the other, the younger stars shine too.” That is it… when all others are pushed to their limits of coming out of their shells, I am being pushed to come in a bit. This makes my being silenced the hardest experience so far. I am not who I am if you take some essential or even integral parts of myself. Let me begin my phenomenological sharing with a bit of sarcasm about myself … I think I am not who am when silenced.

I am being silenced. The “I” stands as subject of the sentence which refers to the speaker of the statement. It is the “I” which is being silenced. The entire sentence is in present progressive tense which technically means that the “I” is currently and continuously experiencing the act of being “silenced.” Reading between the lines, one might easily conclude that a force-which could be a person or thing, is silencing the “I.” One could not determine easily though, if the force arises from an internal or external environment. If the “I” is intersubjective, one might say that more or less it is the “I’s” surrounding world that forces it to be silenced. “Being” on the other hand refers to the way how the “I” is silenced. It could be true that the “I” as subject had been loud, in whatever degree of loudness it may be, thus the word “being” is the “how” that determines the degree of being silenced. It is as if the force, which we already understood as discreetly seen in the statement, is controlling the “being” there, or rather, the “being” is the force therein. Well, beyond these phenomenological arguments, I am compelled to believe that it is indeed my most uneasy or my hardest experience. There is indeed a force telling the “I” to be silenced. “Silenced” alone is in past tense, but since it is preceded by “am being” it refers to the present and what is on-going. If there is something which is “being silenced,” then it is rational to think that there has been a noise or a sound that was created in the past or, there is a continuing noise or sound.

            Will the “I” change its identity or worth when silenced? I think there is no evident answer to this query but talking from a logical perspective, I would say that there is a change of identity or worth of the “I.” However, in reduction, “I” is the only one left and everything is in the “I.” Going into spiritual reflections, I as speaker believe that the “I” in the statement is somehow changed by the intensity or degree of its loudness but it does not take away the identity or worth of the “I.” There are many other factors that constitute the “I” aside from the noise or sound it creates. Thus, it is safe to believe that the “I” retains its being “I” despite of “being silenced.” But why has this become an uneasy and the hardest experience of the “I” so far? The uneasiness or hardness of the situation is derived from the act of “being silenced.” This act is different from what has been or routinely done in the past or even in the present. The force, “being”, allows the mutability of the nature of the “I” become possible. The “I” could either allow the “being” to “silenced” itself or not. But, it has become my- I am the “I”, uneasy or the hardest experience because this is not usual of the past and of the present to be “silenced.”

            Undeniably, I am not good in phenomenology but I thank this opportunity to do these personal clarifications so as not to purge myself unwillingly into a new reality of being silenced. Sarcastically, I said, I am not who am if silenced, but I wish to say it this time that I hope to see myself better than what I have been used to. Thus, the uneasy or hardest experience of “being silenced” is expected to help better the “I.”

SUCCESS ISN’T GIVEN. IT’S EARNED, ON THE TRACK, ON THE FIELD, IN THE GYM, WITH BLOOD, SWEAT, AND OCCASIONAL TEAR.

by Raymond Pasco

 

Life, as most of us think, is all about good times, good experiences, and good outcomes… everything good. We think that life must be all about good, good, good, to the point that we do not want in our lives any negative things happening. When there are bad or uneasy moments in life, we see our life as not on the right track. However, this is not the case; life isn’t all about the good things only. Good things are just a part of life and not the whole of it. We also have to consider and accept the negative things or the bad things that happen in life. “Everyone wants happiness, no one wants pain. But you can’t make a rainbow without a little rain.” The good and bad experiences go together at times.

Training isn’t easy. Joining the college football club is hell on earth; jogging for 20 – 45 minutes or 10 rounds around the field isn’t easy, and not to forget, it’s rain or shine. Juggling the ball over and over again; picking it up, juggling again, so on and so forth, just to, little by little increase the number of juggling the ball I can make. Going an extra mile by working out every day just to increase mass and jogging everyday even without a scheduled training, staying fit, avoiding soft drinks and eating clean is a hell of a job. Doing coach Badong’s jog-sprint, suicide run, and circuit jogs are pain in the lungs that makes me gasp for air. Training, training, training… yes, it is never easy, but I do it for the love of the game.

I can’t deny it. At times, I find myself on the brink of quitting, of taking rest, of not finishing the said number of rounds and repetitions, but that’s the price I have to pay if I want to become better than ever. Train insane or remain the same – this is what I tell myself when I reach this point, and there I go finishing and nailing the training. And just as the saying goes, “the only thing you should ever quit is giving up.”

To become a better player demands training, effort, perseverance and sacrifice. According to Locke, there’s no such thing as given. Everything has to be experienced before it is known or had – everything is from experience. In the realm of language, we have such words because of an idea and this idea is from an experience, words come from experience. This goes the same with becoming a better player. What I mean is, being a better or good player isn’t given, it’s something you have to earn and work hard for just like the ideas we have. Ideas are not innate just as good players are not born nor being good is innate to an individual. Nobody is born a good player; it’s earned and developed through time. 

Hardships, uneasiness, sacrifices and difficulties are part of this becoming or gaining. You don’t gain something out of nothing. You don’t get results when you just sit there and wait for the day to pass. You have to work for it, and most of the time, it doesn’t go easy nor does it go our way. This is why we have to accept these difficulties we experience in life, especially when we are working on something. Again, you can’t make a rainbow without a little rain. You won’t get what you want, what you dreamt of, what makes you happy without making a little sacrifice for nothing is given. You want to go to heaven? Doing nothing won’t get you there, remember the sin of omission. You want to get high grades? You don’t get that just by sitting there during study period and doing nothing. You want to lose weight, to get fit? You don’t get it just by sitting there in the office or in the corner or even by just drinking fitness drinks. You have to work for it, stand up and do something that will get you there.  Remember; “It’s not your conditions that determine your destiny, it’s your decisions” Decide to do something. Work for it. Stop wishing… Start doing for nothing is given. If life was easy, where would the adventures be? Accept hardships and even failures, they’re part of life’s adventure. Sometimes, the harder you fall, the farther you go. And the old adage is indeed real: “No pain, no gain.” Every difficulty is an opportunity in disguise – opportunity to learn, to grow, to become better, to experience, and to be the best you. It isn’t given, it’s earned.SUCCESS ISN’T GIVEN. IT’S EARNED, ON THE TRACK, ON THE FIELD, IN THE GYM, WITH BLOOD, SWEAT, AND OCCASIONAL TEAR.

Phenomenology of Uneasy Experience

by Francis Jay Jarabelo

 

Uneasy is a feeling which makes feel worry, something which lead us into discomfort or it makes feel bothered. Sometimes that uneasy feeling makes us feel angry because we tend to push our limit. It depends on every individual on how they can perceive and manage this feeling of uneasy. Experience is something we gain by doing this actual thing; it is something we gain in our daily life. Experience is something we can commemorate in our minds; it can be a good experience or a bad experience. Whether it is the best experience or worst experience we can acquire learning or sometimes we can unlearn things which we don’t want to perform anymore.

Experiencing uneasy experience is something which is difficult to me especially when you encounter it as your first time. Things which you encounter as first time is difficult because it is new to you and you don’t know on how you handle. But if we experience this uneasy experience again and again then this feeling of uneasy lightens. Sometimes here in the seminary, there is a time that the seminary is very busy especially when teachers gave us to make reflection and other papers. For me, this task is very difficult and a tiring task. By experiencing this kind of situation I feel like I pushed my limit and it levels me up to another higher uneasy situations. The only thing which we can handle this kind of uneasy experience is to make it as our habit. If we keep experiencing this uneasy experience then it will not become an uneasy experience anymore. But it does not end our uneasy experience because time comes that there will be much more difficult to handle. This will not makes us feel worry anymore because that uneasy experience is the foundation or ground in our daily life.

As I said earlier, every individual has its own different understanding of uneasy experience because others might experience that uneasy situation while others didn’t experience that uneasy experience at all. Other people leave those kinds of uneasy experience as first and last time because for they don’t want to encounter that kind of uneasy experience. 

Life: Uneasy Experience I Encountered

by Paul John Depra

 

Life is not an easy one which we just can relax, don’t do nothing, or eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow you will die because life in nature is always in struggle. Early in my childhood days, I already encountered uneasy experience which I can say that it molds me who am I now. I and my family is living between the farm and the sea but we are very close to the farm which I have a lot of experience. Every Friday and Saturday, I and my younger brother stayed to our Lolo’s house which his house is in the base of the mountain surrounded by the rice plains and he let us do some farm works in able for us to know and to experience it. Our Lolo taught us a lot of things especially in farming at the same time in hunting animals and birds. He taught us also how to raise animals like the carabaos, cows, chickens, ducks, and pigs. Time came, Lolo died and he left to us his carabao and a cows which I and my brother bring them to the grassland every morning and get it in noon for them to drink. Then, we bring again the animals to the grassland before we go to school and get it after we arrived. It was our routine which is not uneasy one because as the animals grow, the stronger they become and there are times that I was being pulled by the cow. With those experience I had, there was uneasy experience which I can say one of the most difficult experience that I encountered so far.

I was in second year high school in the age of 14 years old when my father was confined to the hospital and was operated in his intestine. Our family suffered a financial crisis after the operation of my father which it was a successful one so to say. The operation cost a lot of money that all of my parent’s savings even in their bank account was used for the operation and medication of my father. Being the eldest, I need to support my family in order for us to survive and to finance our daily expenses. What I did was, I drove a tricycle. I was a student in the morning and a tricycle driver in the evening until late in the morning. During weekends, I drove the tricycle for the whole day and rest in the evening because I need to attend the choir practice in the church at the same time to prepare myself for the Sunday Mass together with my family. After the second mass, I need to drive again to have more income even though it can only support the needs of my siblings and daily food. As I drive to find more passenger to have more income, almost of the time, I got home around 6 in the morning which I just take a bath, eat my breakfast, and drive again as a school service of the some students at the same time of my siblings. After I already drop them to their respective schools, I go to my class also and after my class I need to fetch my siblings and drop them to their school after we have our lunch. In the afternoon, again I fetch them and after that I start to pick up some passengers. It was my daily routine during those days as I wait my father to recover but when the time that he already recovered, he decided to work in Manila in able to pay some of our depths and to support the financial problem of our family. That time, I need to continue the work I started already because even it was uneasy for me but I already enjoy what I was doing and my contribution to my family. In the end I would like to quote, “Although the world is full of suffering, it is full also of the overcoming of it.”-Keller

Life is a Beautiful Struggle: Phenomenology of Uneasy Experiences

By: John Gio L. Jastia

“Life is a beautiful struggle” our teacher once said to us. Each new day from sunrise to sunset that we live, we do not only inhale and exhale to breathe but we struggle to survive and each moment we strive for survival, to make this persistence to exist to become a living, there are always these circumstances that may offer us uneasiness or hard experiences. These uneasiness, these hardships might give us sweat or tears or blood but they never cease to give us wisdoms in life. We can learn from our hardships and we can never achieve anything best if we will never give our best and to become the best is always hard.

Uneasiness and hardship is the absence of comfort, ease or relief, we are placed to a state wherein we are barricaded from our comfort zones. There are times we become afraid or become unsteady when put to these situations. We might not be able to think well or to respond naturally or to use our skill well because we are being limited by some circumstances that creates these uneasy experiences. Uneasiness might result from not being inside our own comfort zones, being distracted, lack of self-trust and self-confidence, failure of once capacity to meet in the demands or to comply, lack of experience or knowledge, or negative experience from the past.

In the past 19 years of my life countless of hard and uneasy experiences have tormented, taught, formed, defined and made me to become who I am today. The experience from being outside my comfort zone are the times when I am made to do things which I am not at ease like performing a dance in front of the crowd, etc. which I have never done perfectly or I have never been comfortable of even I have given all my confidence to it. Lack of self-trust or self-confidence gave me a hard time like my first time in public speaking or talking during campaigns because I always lose confidence when it comes to meeting to the crowds and or especially talking. Failure of once capacity to meet in the demands or to comply; well during our trainings in football I always had the hard time because I have no enough capacity to endure, no enough stamina to run thus I always end up already gasping for air in the early minutes of our training. Lack of experience or knowledge; I remember once I was assigned in the exhibit committee as the head for the open house, well I didn’t know what to do because in the first place I was appointed to do it against my will. Well first times are always hard but without the knowledge of what to do makes it the hardest, also communicating to people with different language is really hard even with the universal language because relaying what really intend to say is more apprehensible and relatable using the mother tongue than using tongues I am not used to. And lastly hard and easy experience may come from the negative experiences from the past, I don’t really have that experience but I remember one of my friends have always the hard time crossing the street because he once was hit by a car and hospitalized which gave him trauma.

But I believe all things may go easy when we learn how to counter attack those factors that gives us hard time or uneasy experiences. Like learning to go out from comfort zones is in the matter of getting used to things that makes us uneasy, believing more in the self, finding help from others, gaining more knowledge and experience, overcoming things that hinders us to grow etc. in life there will always be hardships and we can always gain from these experiences, no matter how hard it is just try for life is a beautiful struggle.